HOME POPULAR Full Review- 2020 BMW X5 M Competition

Full Review- 2020 BMW X5 M Competition

Adam Allen Writer - Carpages.ca

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Better get used to it, folks

Words by: Adam Allen

“ENOUGH ALREADY!”

That’s what Mom used to say when the bad behavior amongst our siblings reached a crescendo and breaking point was achieved. Sometimes, eyes would bulge and veins stood out in fury, sealing the effectiveness of the message which, when diplomatically translated, meant to settle down and stop. Now.

We feel you, Mom. We have reached a similar point in our tolerance towards people complaining about uber-powered SUV’s and that they still express shock that such things continue to exist, even flourishing in popularity. Newsflash: they do, and they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. The market has spoken, and it wants to enjoy 600-plus horsepower while sitting tall enough in the saddle. Let’s all breathe deeply and accept them for what they are- maybe not the most ideal template for a sportscar, but damned if they aren’t insane fun (also, sorry Mom.)

Would we rather an M5, or the X5 M you see here? We would still pick an M5, mostly because is still out handles, out brakes, and gulps less fuel than the X5 M but also because it offers a 2WD drift setting which panders to our inner juvenile.

Don’t count the X5 M out though. If someone had told you back in the 1980’s that you’d be able to buy an SUV that was not only faster but stopped shorter than a Ferrari F40- would you have believed them? What about if they told you said SUV would not set you back over one million dollars and if you wanted one all you’d have to do is waltz into a BMW dealership to do the paperwork? There’s no denying that that’s progress folks. Yes, SUV’s like the X5 M are a bit nuts. But that’s what makes them special.

The X5 M has always been a rolling example of decadent irrationality since it debuted 12 years ago. It’s even crazier these days, and our Competition spec tester churns out a colossal 617 horsepower. Non-Competition models make do with 600, which translates into a 0.2 second penalty in the sprint to 100km/h. That’s a pea so small even The Princess wouldn’t notice. No matter which one you choose, the X5 M will still happily scramble your organs whenever you mat the throttle.

Most understand that the X5 M is scorching fast. They want to know: what makes the G05 generation a good choice for their own family fleet? Allow us to give provide a brief synopsis of what this hot rod SUV brings to the table, besides a profoundly serious turn of speed.

A quick walkaround will confirm that the M division has tweaked the styling to let your fellow motorists know that this X5 is serious about its sporting heritage and that you’d had better get the heck out of its way. It’s all ate up with gaping vents and addenda that are functionally aesthetic, meaning they look mean but also serve to help the X5 M achieve bewildering performance on the track- more cooling and additional downforce are welcome should you find yourself putting this beast through its paces at speed. Our Competition model featured blacked out badges out back as well as similar treatment for the side mirrors and BMW’s signature twin kidney grille which is gapingly large but still tasteful, something that can’t be said of BMW’s flagship 7-series’ questionably massive shnoz.

Inside, the BMW team has nicely balanced the luxury trimmings you would expect and yet somehow still manage to give off a serious vibe as a nod to this machine’s incredible performance. Every surface is covered in leather and there are tasteful splashes of carbon fibre sprinkled throughout. The seats are bolstered aggressively to hold you in place but won’t tire you out after hours in the saddle- plus, they are adorned with extremely cool M badges that light up at night. Know what else lights up at night? Laser headlights, which do an excellent job of turning pitch darkness into near daylight. Other M specific touches include the familiar M1 and M2 red shortcut buttons on the steering wheel allow you to access your preferred settings without having to wade through menu options for throttle response, steering feel, suspension firmness and now, the ability to adjust the feel of the brake pedal. Even so, if you do find yourself in a position where you need to delve into the infotainment system, iDrive 7.0 is an excellent bit of software that’s easy to use and features snappy graphics. A pair of large 12.3” screens display pertinent information legibly and intuitively. There’s a smattering of connected services available, like a Wi-Fi hotspot and both Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. You’ll never find yourself wanting for any comfort or convenience feature, particularly the winter slaying heated trifecta of steering wheel, seats, and armrests- an absolute boon on frigid winter commutes. There’s lots to like here, and we’re particularly fond of the button which activates louder volume from the exhaust and the redesigned gear selector that, while looking terrific with its intricate stitching and real metal accents which still requires a bit of a learning curve to operate.

Once you’ve figured out how to get it in gear the real fun begins. The first thing we would do every time we headed out would be to thumb the red M1 button on the steering wheel to call up our favorite settings (suspension, steering, brakes and transmission all set to Comfort, and the engine response set to Sport Plus, if you’re wondering.) Oh, and of course the exhaust would always be set to Loud- you should here this thing when it fires up on a cold morning. Once everything comes up to temperature, find a road where it’s safe to deploy all 617 horsepower and then mat the throttle. There is the merest whiff of turbo lag and then BAM! All four tires are all of the sudden doing their best to distribute that power and the 553 pound feet of torque that go along with it. Driver and passengers alike are pressed deep into the soft leather covering the seating surfaces and the X5 M sprints towards the horizon with relentless speed. If you fancy remaining in good standing with local law enforcement as well as your driving privileges, you’ll lift off very soon after. Keep your foot in it and the digital display almost can’t keep up with the acceleration well into territory that nets you a summons to court, never mind a mere speeding ticket. And it sounds MUCH better than BMW’s S63 engines previously. They used to have this synthetic, ersatz V8 soundtrack that just never sounded quite right, but BMW has restored order to the sounds coming out of the quad tailpipes- it sounds properly gnarly. Which brings us to the massive brakes you’ll find on all M models and always rise to the occasion, shedding speed confidently and never once coming close to fading. Hardly a surprise given we were driving this beast during a stretch of the coldest weather yet this winter and didn’t push the X5 too hard- same deal with the handling, although being shod on the finest performance Michelin rubber gave us huge piece of mind. On the odd time we did take corners with urgency it just plain held on with no drama and felt like there was a lot more to be had before anything resembling limits would be approached- perhaps we’ll flog one of these in the warmer months to see what’s what. And then, when you’ve blown off all that steam, the X5 M sheaths its claws and whisks you home with the docility of a pussycat. This bandwidth is one of the most compelling things about the X5 M- it’s ready for any situation you might encounter and can take your stuff along for the ride to boot.

Are there things we’d change? You bet there are. The first thing we would ask for is more chatter coming through the steering wheel rim, but like most modern BMW racks the X5 M’s remains aloof. More room out back in the cargo hold would be a welcome improvement and we would happily sacrifice some ground clearance at the alter of exterior styling to eliminate some of the huge wheel gap between tire and fender. Yes, we understand that would hurt the X5 M’s off road prowess, but c’mon- how many people are going to take one of these off the beaten path?

Others still might get bent out of shape on the asking price or the fuel economy, but those people are just willfully blinded by what the X5 M is- a superlatively luxurious, ballistically fast SUV. A sure way to abate any curmudgeonly behavior is to simply pop the hood and take in the tailored carbon fibre suite and beautiful bracing in the X5’s engine bay- it’s a conversation starter that has everyone in a good mood once you slam the hood shut once more.

We hope that the end of the debate on the existence of steroidal SUVs is nigh. You may like ‘em, you may not. The same can be said about minivans and sedans, but you don’t see those conversations ending with people frothing at the mouth in protest. If the X5 M is foreshadowing what’s to come this segment, well, we say bring it on. You just might find yourself sitting in the paddock at your local track day and watch in amazement as an X5 M turns lap times significantly faster than your roll caged, purpose built track car. You’ll be going home wit your tail between your legs- and Mom didn’t even have to raise her voice.